Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Things the computers don't know

Growing up a young kid in the 90s, my parents let me watch all manner of action movies. There is no way to tell how much energy my brain devotes to maintaining its archive of Everything There Is To Know About Terminator 2 and how much this detracts from what would otherwise go towards maintaining higher functioning, but it is possible that the frontal lobe is overrated anyway. In any case, I subsequently developed a somewhat distorted view of the world and future of human society. One side effect is that I find Linda Hamilton catatonia-inducingly impressive. Another is that I am 90% certain the machines will one day kill us all.

But don't worry. We'll be okay.

Based on half a year of concerted voice software wrangling, I have deduced that computers are fucking incapable of understanding the following country names:
  • Samoa
  • Israel
  • Iran
  • Burma
 When the technoapocalypse comes, these are the countries in which we can safely hide and rebuild. Because as far as The Machine is concerned the last remnants of the human race will be located in 'some Allah', 'his rule,' 'Imran,' or 'bummer,' as it somewhat accurately if not awkwardly insists on calling the last place.

I am mankind's only hope for survival. Trust me on this.

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